Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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