carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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