i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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