I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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