his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
