Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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