Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
