we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
