I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
