You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
