What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
