How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
