Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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