I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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