I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
