Your face is a jimmy john
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
