life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think your dad took our porno
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
