sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
