Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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