i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
