I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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