I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
