So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
