The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
