we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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