Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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