he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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