I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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