I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
