her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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