this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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