What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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