So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
