Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
