just come out here and I will go home with you...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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