I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
