if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
