I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
