He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
