It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
