I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
