We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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