I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
