He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
