One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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