another moral hangover. fuck.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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