Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
