My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize