have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
