you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
