I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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