I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
