look no pants
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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