You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
