If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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