Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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