WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The uberlube is also flammable
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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