I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize