somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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