There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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