Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
