remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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