One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
where does the pee come out of this thing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
