I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
