The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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