I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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