Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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