what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
