We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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