The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
