Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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