So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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