I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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