My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just invented taco cereal.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
