No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
