I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
