Can Purell be used as lube?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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