Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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