Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
