How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
