ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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