He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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