I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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